Passionate about helping you grow and thrive together
Psychobiological Approach
I am certified in Level 1 and Level 2 of Stan Tatkin’s Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT). This approach combines neuroscience, attachment theory, experiential therapy, and more in a dynamic and engaging way.
Some of you may come to therapy already knowing about attachment styles and other psychological concepts that have made their way into popular culture. That’s great! You will take those concepts and expand on them. Most importantly, you will move from an intellectual understanding of those and other concepts to an experiential approach. This means actually experiencing how those concepts show up and apply to you and your relationship. By doing so with a therapist present, you can slow down moments of intensity, bring awareness to them, and then learn in the moment how to make different choices and change patterns.
You can find out more about the PACT approach by watching Stan Tatkin’s Ted Talk or on the PACT website.
Creating
Win-Wins
Many people in relationships feel imbalanced on the spectrum between love-avoidant and love-dependent. Those on the love-avoidant side have overly embraced Western values of independence, even when they contradict our biological need for attachment and connection. Those on the love-dependent side have overly outsourced their happiness and sense of self-worth to an external source(s). There is nothing inherently wrong with having some independence, nor with relying on others. When things start to feel dysfunctional, however, it usually involves a lack of balance between these two polarities.
Win-wins are created when the individuals in a relationship can act in ways that are both pro-self and pro-relationship at the same time. This means a healthy amount of collaboration, consideration of one’s partner and their needs, and more, and while doing this maintaining a healthy sense of self and a sense of worth both inside and outside of your relationship. In couples counseling, we explore all of these concepts in more depth and then it is the couple’s responsibility to put it in practice outside of sessions.
Couple Agreements
What is your agreement about how much you tell each other? Do you agree to protect each other in public and in private? And what about your sex life? All couples that have been together for a significant amount of time have agreements, but these often are unspoken and assumed instead of explicit and clearly discussed. Agreements involve the logical mind and are not sufficient as the sole way to structure a relationship, yet they can be helpful to act as guardrails and ensure everyone is on the same page.
We will discuss agreements and how to make these agreements come to life and be present in the relationship, not just discussed and forgotten.
